Faith Choices

Bitter, angry, disgusted....my feelings for doctors. They have come along side of me so many times, offering to help, promising solutions only to let me down, drop our case, and just disappear.

I cry. I cry while driving, while in the shower, while folding laundry, while cooking dinner, while lying in bed waiting for the next day to come. I am angry, I am so mad and I cry. I cry for our girl. It doesn't seem fair that she would go thru so much, that her road be so long.

I stress. I stress over each appointment. I stress over the latest report, over the deployment that will be taking my husband far from home when I need him so badly. I stress over surgeries, over many ?'s from loved ones, I stress over every aspect of life for our life isn't what I thought it would be....it's no where near it.

My doctor says I'm depressed and handed me a bottle of anti-depressants faster than I could say, "no thanks doc." I don't agree.

I say that I have the freedom to approach the throne of Christ Jesus with ALL things (Hebrews 4:16). That means, all my emotions, all my fears, all my worries and what if's. That means I can ask Him questions I don't have the answers too, I can talk to Him of the most intricate details involving Riley's care. I can bring it ALL to Him. His shoulders can bear the load far better than mine. He's not worried of the latest report, of the surgeries coming, of the deployment. Nothing shocks Him off the throne so why do I then carry it on MY shoulders instead of allowing Jesus to take it on HIS?

I'm reading this amazing book called Faith In The Night Seasons, by Nancy Missler. The book challenges and encourages you in the midst of your "night season" to see Jesus at real work in your life, to learn how to handle the hard stuff we deal with in life while being able to truly praise and glorify the Father. Nancy Missler, reminds you that everything in life comes from the Father, including the pain and hardships as our lives are God- filtered. Every time I pick it up, I'm so thankful to my dear friend who suggested I read it as she placed it in my hands:)

I'm reading now about "faith choices" and "emotional choices" and how I have a choice in which I will choose to act upon. Faith choices mean that in the midst of the yuck, in my tears and fears, I'm choosing to trust Christ and His plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11). I recognize that Riley is His and that He has gifted her to me, trusting me with her care. He has a mighty plan for Riley's life and has planned for every event thus far. I can trust Him, I can choose to turn my eyes to Him, I can put my faith and confidence in Him, rather than in doctors. I can choose to do my best with her care, giving my all to glorify Him by serving my family.

Emotional choices are what we feel as human and any action that involves our flesh. When I stress, freak out, melt down, fall apart, throw my hands in the air....it's all emotional choices. None of these glorify the Father, none show my faith in Him to others but rather allow me a pity party.

I encourage you today not to be ashamed of the emotions you feel but to really ask yourself in the moment what kind of a choice you are making. Are you looking to the Father, making a faith choice? Are you choosing to give Him glory, thankful that He is in control(James 1:1-2) Are you praising Him, looking for the positive in it all? Or....are you lashing out and giving up? Are you giving way to fear and allowing the enemy a foothold? Are you choosing to be idle, not serving, not giving of your time and resources to help others? Are you shaken by your circumstances and unable to see clearly (Psalms 16:8)?

We have a choice...one moment at a time, one day at a time to make a faith choice. We can choose not to give in, but to persevere in running the good race (Hebrews 12:1, James 1:3). I encourage you today to make every choice you make, a faith choice:)