His Great Name

"My God, how can this be what you have for me?" I've asked that very question so many times over the last few months. I've pondered, tried to figure, understand, wrestled, panicked and fought it all.

I debated on sharing but I feel the Lord has led me to do so. Just 2 nights ago I woke from a sound sleep in total panic. I couldn't breath, speak, think or even pray. I stayed this way for near 2 hours while my husband prayed for me, loved me, walked with me, let me cry on his shoulder and tried to talk it all out with me. I know that panic does not come from the Lord, such anxiety that I can't move is not from him. He is a God of order, peace, strength.

In a matter of days, the reality of the wars going on overseas will hit all to close to home for my family yet again. "My God, how can this be what you have for us?"

Riley's tube feedings have now been increased to day feedings, longer night feedings and followed by the finding of a severe dairy allergy. 10 days on antibiotics have done nothing to control the raging infection at her G-tube site. For 2 weeks straight, we have managed 4 appointments a week. We have 3 all in one day, tomorrow, they come on the heels of 2 prior appointments this week. "My God, how can this be what you have for our girl? Will it ever get better? Can't you see I'm already stretched so far? How much more must our hearts break? What are you doing?"

My grandparents who disowned me long ago, still refuse to see their grandchildren, haven't seen them in nearly 5 yrs and have never seen Riley or have any contact with me at all, even in the midst of an incurable cancer that has struck their lives in such a tragic way, I still have no idea what I did. "My God, how can this be what you have for me? What did I do?"

Pain I thought I would never feel, a conversation I never thought I would have to have, happened indeed and has left a huge hole in my heart. "My God, how can this be what you have for me?"

Then I realized, it's all at the sound of His name. I don't have to resort to panic or anxiety. I don't have to understand or figure it out. I just have to call on His name. I just have to look up towards Him. I just have to choose to keep praising Him in the midst of this never ending heartache, this nightmare I am stuck in. I just have to choose to point others to Him as best as I can.

God has such funny ways at times. A box comes from a dear and very loved friend at the most perfect time. Yet another message on our FB telling us what an inspiration we are, how much we reflect Christ, how we said something or shared a verse and personal experience that made such an impact on someone else's life, how hearing Riley's story has given them a stronger walk, more to be thankful for. He so mercifully chooses to give me such amazing people who love us, to get us, who in such obedience to Him, show us how much we are cared and prayed for.

Just practice saying His name for yourself a few times....right now. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. You are high and lifted up. Every fear has no place at the sound of your name.

He is it friends. He is all there is and all that we need. Lost are saved, find their way at the sound of your great name. All condemned feel so shame at the sound of your great name. The enemy, he has to leave at the sound of your great name.

Listen the words of this awesome song and sing of His name for yourself:)