It ain't about the dishes!

Latley I've been feeling as though I need to defend my walk, my relationship with the Lord, why we do as we do in our family, why we've consented to various testing and treatments for Riley.

It's brutal if I say so myself. In an effort to show that my walk is strong, that my faith is just as strong, that I'm still capable to do what needs doing in daily tasks, to show that we're ok...I've worn myself out and nearly made myself crazy! It's exhausting to care what others think all the time, to take input you didn't ask for with a lovingly attitude. Port and I fully understand that when we put our lives in the blog, on a prayer chain or in the status of our FB, we are in essence opening up the gates...but it's still tough at times. I've cleaned like a maniac, made sure that I excel at whatever...doesn't matter what, just something. I've made insanely long to do lists, worried over every aspect of my life and have come dangerously close to just not talking anymore to just keep it all out.

Then my sweet sister, my dear cousin, my close friend Bridget called today. We don't get much time to talk so we have to make it work when the other calls;) Without my even knowing, I was talking a million miles a minute. It was all coming out. I needed to justify it all...why we chose this route, why we think this, how we feel on this,what someone said about this,what we will do about that, and all with good reasons. I listed off all my chores done, schooling positives for the week, errands run. And then she said something to me that I don't think I will ever forget.

"Nichole, honey, it ain't about the dishes.

It ain't about the floors being clean or the kids being washed, the bills being paid. It's about His grace. Don't you see His grace would still be there if you had done nothing? If the dishes piled to the floor, the floors a nasty mess, dirty babies and unpaid bills...it wouldn't matter. He loves you and would be there right beside you regardless. You don't have to prove to anyone. We don't live according to what others think of us or by how much grace they give us, but rather by how He feels about us, His grace for us."

She's so right. It ain't about the dishes.I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful that I can stop working to prove why we will do what we must for our baby, why we consent to this test and that, why we will continue schooling, why we will fight for her but accept His perfect will at the same time.

I've longed to ask some, "Wouldn't you do the same? If the doctors talked to you of horrible diagnosis, tough procedures, if they looked at you and gave you their personal theories that are so hard to hear, if doctor after doctor looked at you and said they couldn't treat her, if a doctor called you before even seeing your child and said not to bother with the appt as there was no way he would know how to help....and then you finally are put in a place with a team of doctors who want to help, who aren't giving up, who are believers, who want to explore every alley that could possibly tell us something based on symptoms shown...wouldn't you do it or would you not because you know better than a doctor?

Tonight I see that it ain't about the dishes. Those who love us, who get us, who want us in their lives will stand by us and love us thru it all. I don't have to prove anymore. The peace I feel in my heart, that peace that passes all understanding is all I need to know that I'm on the right track.